Becoming a mom at the age of 18.

I knew right away in early August I could be pregnant despite taking the plan B one step pill within 6 hours of having unprotected sex. I was experiencing weird cramps. The cramps were nothing like my usual PMS cramps, and my boobs were soooo sore. I took a pregnancy test, and it came out invalid. I figured oh well, and I carried on with life. Until my mom found the pregnancy test box in my younger sisters backpack. At the time I was living with my father, and I didn’t want to throw it away in the house because I feared my dad would find it, so I gave the box to my sister and told her to throw it away at my moms house in the neighbors trash can.

Mid August of 2011

Well my mom found the box and made me take another pregnancy test right in front of her! (AWKWARD) Sure enough I WAS pregnant. I cried. My mother cried. Kind of sad, right? Usually women are so ecstatic and thrilled to be pregnant. I was not. There I was 17 holding a pregnancy test with two positive pink lines.  It’s my senior year of high school was all I could think.

Two days after my mother found out I started spotting! WTH I thought I was pregnant. I quickly googled spotting and pregnant. Well stupid Dr. Google said I could be miscarrying, it could be implantation bleeding, or it could be a chemical pregnancy. Great just fucking great. I called my mom, and she took me to the E.R. They confirmed with a blood test I was pregnant, but the ultrasound revealed nothing since I was only 5 weeks 5 days. I was told it was too early to see a heartbeat, and that it could possibly be implantation bleeding or a blighted ovum. WTF is that?  I was told to follow up within a week or two with a regular OB-GYN. Unfortunately, the only OB office in our area could not see me until I was at least 10 weeks. Yup. There I was a frightened 17 year old pregnant girl possibly miscarrying my baby, and no one wanted to see me until I was AT LEAST 10 weeks along. I know this might seem cruel or selfish, but I figured oh well if it happens it happens. It wasn’t meant to be.

I carried on with life….

I knew though once I stopped bleeding the day after and started experiencing horrible nausea and vomiting  that I was still very pregnant. I googled (yes, I know I Google a lot of shit) nausea and vomiting and read that having morning sickness was actually a really good sign. You have a less chance of miscarrying if you experience nausea!

I told a few close friends, all my teachers, and the staff at the school who were ALL really supportive. Let me just say everyone was so nice and never judgmental! I even remember one of the lady’s who worked with security coming into the bathroom and giving me saltine crackers and a 7-up after I had just thrown up my breakfast.

Mid October

(10 weeks pregnant) The day we would confirm whether or not my baby was still there. Sure enough we heard that whoosh whoosh sound for the first time!!!

A lot of things went through my mind at this point. I knew I had to mentally and physically prepare myself for motherhood. I talked to my school counselor about my options as far as graduation and what I would do with my baby. Originally I had actually thought about adoption, but something in me (call it selfish) wanted to keep this baby and raise it myself.

November 23, 2014

(21 weeks pregnant) The day before Thanksgiving I had the anatomy Scan; It’s A GIRL!!!

OMG. I’m so in love with that little baby in that black and white ultrasound picture. She was perfect. Just sitting there like she was posing.

December 3, 2011

I turned 18!

December 16, 2011

Graduate high school a semester early, AND people said it couldn’t be done. Well I did it. Pregnant and I still graduated from a regular high school!

April 3, 2012

(38 weeks pregnant) Mid -afternoon my mom, my aunt, and I were at Babies R Us shopping for some final things for my daughter when I started feeling some heavy cramps. Everyone says oh you’ll know when you go into labor. Well I didn’t know! I was unsure if the cramps were contractions or not. It was my first baby after all. By the time we got home I was in some pain which  had my mom frightened, so we loaded up our bags in the car and headed to the hospital.

I was only 2 cm dilated and my water had not broken. They kept me and checked me in another hour. I dilated to 3cm by then. Three more hours passed, and I was at a full 6 cm dilated. I was actually NOT in any excruciating pain. I thought things were going smooth and quick, but I was wrong. For some reason I stopped dilating. My labor wasn’t active. I had to be induced with some Pitocin. If you can avoid being induced! Pitocin is the devil.

I kicked. I screamed. I cried. I cursed. I thought I was going to die.

At 7 1/2 cm I finally gave up and asked for the epidural.  Ahhh….relief at least!

Unfortunately because I was so exhausted I decided I would take a quick 20 minute nap. I fell asleep on my right side. When I finally awoke the whole right side of my body was numb, but the left side was in pain. I could feel every contraction radiating through the left side of my body. It was an odd experience. It’s like I had half an epidural.

When it finally came time to push I was exhausted. I was also very nauseous. In between contractions and pushing I threw up twice. I was sweating profusely and I felt very weak. I wanted to give up. I kept asking for a C-section, but the doctor and nurses insisted I could do it ( my daughters head was almost out). It was a little over an hour of fucking pushing!

April 4, 2012 3:19 P.M

FINALLY after 30 long hours of labor I give birth to my beautiful little girl, “Heaven” N1. Weighing 7 lbs, 15 0z and measuring 20 1/2 inches long.

She was gorgeous with a full head of hair!

Labor was the most painful experience of my life, but once I held my little girl in my arms I realized how worth it it all was. The nausea, the vomiting, the cramps, the contractions, gaining weight, all of the uncomfortable things that come with pregnancy was so fucking worth it once I held N1 in my arms and looked into her eyes.

May 31, 2012

I walk for my high school graduation!

Being a mom has changed my life forever. I know it sounds cliché, but I didn’t know what true unconditional love was until I held my little girl for the first time. Motherhood has its ups and downs, but I wouldn’t trade it or my daughter for anything in the world. N1 gave me life and a purpose.

Becoming a Mom of Two by the age of twenty.

Early August 2013

Bae and I are dating….

I had an IUD in right after I had my daughter because I did NOT want to have anymore children. Well, in early October my IUD fell out. WTF? I was getting a routine pap smear when the doctor noticed my IUD hanging by a thread. She removed it and gave me back up birth control pills.

I hate pills. I’m not good with taking pills especially when you have to take them every day at a certain time.

November 3, 2013

I thought maybe I was hungover from the night before, but something in me didn’t feel right. I had the same weird twinges and cramps I had when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. We made a run to the dollar store and Target. I kid you not I bought every brand of pregnancy test I could find. Dollar store and Equate brand prego test=negative; FRER test=faint positive; clear blue= negative. I was a POAS (pee on a stick addict) the whole day. I finally decided that on Monday I would go to planned parenthood and get a blood test.

November 5, 2013

Blood and urine test confirm early pregnancy.

November 7, 2013

(1-2 weeks pregnant) E.R trip for spotting. I was bleeding quite a lot actually. I was kind of scared.

HCG at 93. I’m told to follow up with a regular OB-GYN to confirm my numbers are doubling. Silly me. I chose not to follow up. I didn’t make an appointment to follow up right away because I didn’t want Bae to deal with the heartbreak of another loss. I did schedule an appointment with an OBGYN in my hometown, but I was told the doctor’s office couldn’t see me until I was at least 8 weeks.

December 3, 2013

(7 weeks pregnant) I turned 20!

I lived in Yuba City at the time and Bae lived in West Sacramento. I called him at 3 a.m. like ten bazillion times until he finally answered and told him I was sick. I was vomiting non-stop and had a huge migraine. I felt like utter shit. I love Bae so much! He came all the way at 3 in the morning and took me to the E.R (I know he feared I was miscarrying). An ultrasound revealed ALL IS WELL WITH BABY. My blood and hormone levels were all perfect! I was just experiencing horrible morning all day sickness.

A week later we visited the OB-GYN. This OB was different than the one who had seen me with my daughters pregnancy. He was okay, but I honestly liked my other OB (Dr. Maddalena) way better! This OB couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat with the regular heartbeat doppler. Well no duh. I’m only 8 weeks, but the OB didn’t order an internal ultrasound or nothing. He looked at the hospital paperwork from the previous week and said I was fine.

I’m kind of naïve and said okay, so we left. Something nagged at me, though. I began googling (seriously Google can be your worst enemy sometimes) things online. I found out about something called a missed miscarriage. Basically it’s where your baby dies inside you, but you don’t experience any of the typical miscarriage symptoms ( bleeding, cramping). I was so angry with myself. I should have told the doctor about Bae’s history. I should have demanded an ultrasound! What if I walking around with a dead baby inside me. I know it sounds horrible. Shame on me for thinking that. 

I switched back to my old OB because of this and insurance reasons.

January 16, 2014

(14 weeks pregnant) Appointment with my new/old OB-GYN Dr. Maddalena. I asked for an ultrasound, and of course he said yes. He confirmed everything looked perfect!

February 7, 2014

(17 weeks pregnant) We go to The Baby Connection for an early gender determination ultrasound; It’s A BOY!!!

Just what we hoped for! Yay!!!

Side note: A lot of you have asked where I got my early gender determination and 3-D ultrasound photos I went to The Baby Connection in Roseville, CA. They’re awesome! Highly recommend them if you’re anywhere near that area!

April 25, 2014

 (28 weeks pregnant) 3-D Scan. AMAZING!

July 14, 2014

My due date was the 14 and I was already one day over due! Stubborn baby. I had some heavy Braxton hick contractions that night, and I was in a lot of pain. I told Bae I wanted to go to the hospital that night. He had to finish some work in his office, so he did that first. By the time he finished it was late and I had already fallen asleep, so we didn’t go.

July 15, 2014

Early afternoon I can’t shake the heavy feeling and extreme back pain I’m feeling. We make the trip from Sacramento to Yuba city to drop my daughter off with my aunt first. We then check into the hospital in Yuba City.

Once the nurse comes in she checks me and announces I’m at 4 cm! Another hour goes by and I’m at 5 cm!

I’m told if I want to walk around to speed up the labor process. Also my back was in so much pain. The nurse suspected I was having back labor. Laying down was uncomfortable. So Bae and I walked around the hospital for an hour then went back into the room got checked.

I was at 6 cm now. For some reason my body always tend to stall labor at 6 cm.

I was induced with a little Pitocin. I strictly did not want Pitocin, but I also wanted to have my baby quickly. The nurse agreed to only give me a very minimal amount. It hurt but not as bad as I had expected.

The labor with my son was very different than with my daughter.

My contractions were all in my back, but damn did they hurt. I felt like my back was being ripped to shreds.

Again. I cried. I screamed. I kicked. I cursed at my mom, Bae, the nurse.

There was one nurse in particular who was a bitch. Yes, she was a total fucking bitch. She just gave me a bad vibe and was fucking rude. I straight up told her I did not like her and requested another nurse. Thank God, the new nurse who came was a sweetheart.

It’s your labor. It’s your time. Some people may not understand, but when your in pain you need people to be supportive and helpful.

At about 8 cm I gave up once again and requested the epidural. I was proud of myself though I made it that far without it, but I was tired. I wanted to conserve energy for the pushing.  The nurses were also all very proud of me. My labor was relatively painless up until the Pitocin was given to me. It kind of pisses me off when I think about it because had I just let nature take its course I bet it wouldn’t have hurt.

Anyways even with epidural I still felt the contractions just not as strong.

I was fucking angry by this point.

I wanted another epidural. I wanted to know why it wasn’t working. I wanted to feel numb. I wanted a C-section (seriously). Just cut me up and get that baby out!

Of course the nurses and doctor told me no. You can do this. Fucking frustrating. It’s easy for them to say that because they’re not the ones in pain giving birth!

July 16, 2014  2:47 A.M

(40 weeks + 2 days pregnant) Finally when I was at 10 cm dilated it came time to push. I decided I would push as hard as I could and with all my strength. I did not want to be pushing for what seemed liked forever (like with my daughter). Sure enough, after three long hard pushes out N2 came!!!!

Baby was born after 12 hours of terrible back labor. Weighing 8 lbs, 15 oz and measuring 21 inches.

Thank God, I didn’t tear this time like I did with my daughter, but I was bleeding A LOT. My mom and aunt rushed over to where the nurses were cleaning up my baby up and taking a million pictures. Bae was so amazing  I thought he would rush over there as well, but I know he saw the fear inside of me, so he never left my side. He held my hand the entire time while I was shaking uncontrollably because of how much blood I lost. I remember the doctor looking worried saying she’s losing a lot of blood get me more towels… It was scary, but as soon as the doctor pulled out all of the placenta I felt a lot better! I was finally given my little boy to hold. I felt relief and gratitude.

He is more perfect than I ever could have dreamed of or imagined of.

You can click here to view my lovely family maternity photos. 🙂

I know his father is still in awe.

I’m in love all over again.

I love N2.

I love his father.

I love N1.

I love my little family.

I love being a young mother.

I feel so complete.

I’ve had to give up and sacrifice a lot of myself and my youth for my children, but I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. I cannot imagine my life without them. They are my little ray’s of sunshine. They are my heart and soul.

Even though I’m young, and some would even say I’m undeserving, I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m not married etc..I absolutely love being a mom, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Of all the rights of women the greatest is to be a mother. And not every women gets the right whether by choice or circumstance, so I consider myself extremely blessed.

Hey Beautiful! Thank you for reading!

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    I love what you have shared. I am really proud of the mother you have become. In your last paragraph you stated that some people think you are undeserving, etc, but I can honestly say I think you getting pregnant when you did was God’s way of protecting you. I really think it was a blessing and helped you become the wonderful person you are today. 🙂

  • Beautiful story! You have a beautiful family!

  • I just stumbled upon your blog today while meeting up with Dr. Google for a “20 year old mom blog” talk (I search literally everything too!). Probably you can guess why.

    First of all just wanted to tell you that I’m so impressive you successfully graduated high school while pregnant. I had a huge opportunity too back in 2013 but didn’t make it since I unfortunately dropped 4 months before graduation. It’s kind of a long story.

    As a new 20-year-old mom of a 7m toddler I’m struggling at work and at home trying to find balance between them. I’m working full time and it makes things more intense. Do you have any tips for young moms? Trying so hard to make my graphic/web design business grow while living the 9/5 routine and taking care of my baby boy as soon as I get back from work (7pm exactly) and on weekends.

    Never thought this situation would be so challenging!

    Hopefully one day I’ll be able to quit and work at home on a flexible schedule.

    Hope you and your family are doing great,

    XO Sam

  • Crazy! Thanks for reading!! xo

  • Oveshni Naidoo

    Just came across your blog & I absolutely love it!I just became a mom at 22 5months ago.Life has definately changed alot but I love being a mom to my little princess.Some days are better than others but I wouldnt change it for the world.Your posts are so spot on.You are an inspiration for young moms.Look foward to reading more of your posts.Keep it up