A few weeks ago I wrote about the pros of being a young mother because I love being a young mama, and young mothers need to be supported and not shamed.
I also said I would address the cons (disadvantages) of being a young mother. I know some people might not be happy with me writing about the not so great things about being a young mom, but it’s the reality.
Young girls need to realize it’s not like 16 & Pregnant. If your boyfriend doesn’t want you know what makes you think having a baby with him will make him stay? It’s not all rainbows and unicorns sweetie. Sorry not sorry. That’s the harsh reality of this thing called life.
The list below is based on my personal experience as young mom.
Kiss that goodbye. Farewell. Adios. Sayonara.
You will no longer have the luxury of doing what you want. It is no longer about you. It will be about your kid and their wants and needs will (should) come first before yours.
Even if you get a babysitter or a family member to watch your kid(s), so you have a day to yourself you will still think and worry about your kid(s). I do it all the time.
You won’t even be able to use the damn bathroom alone. You’re lucky if you get a shower!
2.) The ignorant comments
I got this particular comment a lot with my first kid. It’s also the reason why I quit going to church every fucking old person there always said “Awe what a cute little baby sister you have!”
I have to correct them by saying, “Thank you ma’am, but it’s not my little sister.”
And then they ask, “Oh are you babysitting for someone?”
(I get this a lot especially from men who always try to hit on me. They assume I’m babysitting someone else’s kid)
I always respond by proudly saying, “Nope. It’s my daughter.”
And that always ends the awkward conversation.
3.) The evil dirty eye stares
Along with the comments come the oh so unwanted stares.
A pregnant friend of mine told me a story about how she was checking out a grocery store and the lady standing in line behind her couldn’t stop glaring at her belly. She then looked directly at her left hand, scoffed and said “What a shame.”
Oh the irony. This women at the grocery store was assuming my friend was a young unwed mother.
My friend is actually married, and she chose not to wear her ring because her fingers were swollen.
And you know what even if she wasn’t married the looks and the comments are completely unnecessary.
A lot of women young and old are having babies without being married first. Seriously, get the fuck over it.
Welcome to the 21st century people we don’t live in the 1500’s anymore!
4.) Unsolicited advice galore!
I remember watching the episode of Friends where Rachel (Jen Anniston) has her baby. She doesn’t know what to do with her baby. She’s all confused and she doesn’t know how to get it to stop crying. It was portraying how becoming a first time mom is a difficult unknown.
If that were an 18 year old girl holding her baby saying I don’t know what she wants. I can’t get my baby to go back to sleep. Everyone would judge her because of her age and think she’s young, immature, and dumb. Everyone would be jumping up and down to give her their advice.
I don’t have much to say about his one other than everyone and their mom always wants to give me their two cents.
JUST AN FYI if I didn’t specifically ask you for your advice please keep it to yourself!
I am a young mother, yes, but I’m not a stupid mother.
I believe whether you’re a first time mom at 35 or 17 motherhood will not discriminate. It will come at you in all the same ways.
Sometimes the advice of others works and sometimes it doesn’t. You have to figure out what works for you and your children.
5.) Your education
According to the candies foundation only 38% of teenage mothers will get their high school diploma and only about 2% will have a college degree by the time they’re 30.
Sad statistic. I hate that statistic.
Even though I finished high school a semester early, I choose to take a year off before starting college. I wanted to spend time raising my little girl.
It was a really difficult decision for me.
I saw friends post pictures of their acceptance letters to universities, and I watched them all take off to college.
I have friends who have already received their AA degrees.
I have friends who by next year will be receiving their Bachelor’s degrees.
It makes me very proud of them, but it also makes me kind of just hang my head down when people ask me “when will you finish college?”
I’m not quite sure when I will finish, but I will finish eventually.
It’s not about how you start the race, but how you finish it.
Even if it takes you a couple more years to finish it’s okay. Don’t be discouraged.
You can always go back to school at any time. I’ve seen people in their fifties and sixties in some of my classes.
You can’t go back in time, though. You can’t go back to when you’re children were babies.
This time I have right now and am spending with my little ones is priceless.
College is NOT easy. Kids are NOT easy.
Imagine going to college and raising a kid(s). Most definitely NOT easy.
Anyone who can do both is a super mom/dad
Children are expensive!
Honestly, whether you’re young or old your children usually drain your finances.
When you’re young it’s tougher. Older parents are typically more established. They have the home, car, and career. You’re just starting out in your adult life and already have the financial burden of a child.
You have to really budget your money.
Chances are since you haven’t finished a college degree you’re probably working at a not so great job with a not so great wage.
You’re probably barely scraping by.
I know because I was.
You have to bust your ass 100x harder than your peers who don’t have kids because you have a child to provide for. You have food, clothes, diapers, and maybe daycare expenses to pay for.
You don’t have the freedom to waste money on yourself
*Fun Fact: I saved receipts of expense from when Neveah was born until about 6 months. I added up all the costs. They totaled slightly over $6,000! Say what?!
Children aren’t cheap.
7.) Your relationships and friendships will change
This is why I’m happy with dating an older and more mature man. He knows what he wants in life as opposed to the twenty something year old guy.
Neveah’s biological father is a prime example. He was only 21 and sadly he wasn’t ready to be a father, so he took the easy way out. He bailed out on me and Neveah. Leaving me a single mom.
It was difficult to date guys my own age because they could never get past the fact that I had a daughter.
When I finally met Bae it was like a breath of fresh air. He totally didn’t mind the fact that I had a child already. He understood my situation.
He took on the challenge of raising Neveah like his own.
I see it all the time when you have two young people who are barely adults and all of sudden they’re having a baby together 8 times out of 10 their relationship after having the baby doesn’t last.
People change especially as they age. The man you thought you fell in love with at 16 or 18 may not be the same by the time your 23.
You both have to be dedicated to your relationship and family.
A lot of the friends I had from high school I am no longer friends with.
Yeah, they’re my friends on social networking sites, but other than that I don’t hang out with them like I used to.
It’s simply because I was forced to grow up and mature.
I can’t hang out with college kids my own age in the frat and sorority houses who are into partying and drinking heavily.
People from all walks of life will come and go throughout your life. I don’t worry about lost friends anymore.
The other day when Neveah ran up to me she hugged me and said, “Mommy, you’re my best friend.”
My heart melted!
We’ll see if she’ll be saying the same thing at 15.
I hope reading this makes some of you young girls realize raising and caring for a child is not easy. It’s not impossible, but it’s definitely not a walk in the park.
I read a lot of blogs from other mommy bloggers, and it’s funny because most of them are a lot older than I and even they complain about motherhood and its disadvantages. However, at the end of the day we all realize how worth it our children are.
“A mother will always make a way.”